Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He? As in you personified your dick?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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