your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
