Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
