i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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