I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
