my mouth tastes like poor choices
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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