so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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