He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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