i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She even gives head with a lisp.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its liver damage thursday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
