I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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