Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
