i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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