it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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