Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina is officially offended.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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