blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
