yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
