i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
