Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
