wakey wakey hands off snakey
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
