You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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