Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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