i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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