I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
