i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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