she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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