I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
