the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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