I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
