I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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