We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
