She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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