i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
