Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
