i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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