Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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