nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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