I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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