The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Send help, water and tortillas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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