3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
