my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
