hotel room ftw
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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