I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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