i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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