It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
