I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
