I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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