If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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