I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
