I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
