Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
