Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
