sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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