youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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